Could you tone it down, while I'm still in the room?

Sure have been doing an awful lot of song writing lately. And even putting music to them. Gooood shit.

I spend my days with FML; Greg, Bryan, and Jess. I love them, so much, and I can't remember a time they weren't all there for me when I needed them, and even when I didn't. It's been good times, guys, and I will never forget.

I spend my nights with CVSK, JeffSK and Skafredo. Ah, life's good. Smoking in my backyard, playing guitar and writing hilarious, rude, satirical songs about anything we damn well please. Thank you, for letting me sleep with a smile, and thank you JeffSK for holding me just right, just when I needed it most. I love you guys!

Sir Halloween... I don't know anymore. I want you in my life, because I find myself drawn to people I feel like I can fix, even if indirectly. I've showed you God, and I couldn't believe it myself, but He has made such a difference already. But I couldn't believe the way you talked to me, I couldn't believe how relentless you were. You've always been kind of an ass, but it was that humor that I loved... but you just wouldn't let it go, and even the guys pointed it out... what happened to you? You used to at least pretend you gave two shits about me and anything i did with my life... now it's useless. You've got her, you've got someone new, and I don't mind it. In fact, I'm so, so glad that she makes you smile and keeps you on your toes. Too bad nothing can stop you from flirting with your aussie girls on the other side of the globe, just so you can have something else. Can you live your life without secrets? You aren't as complicated as you think. Can you live without secrets?

"I must be an idiot, cause you're a liar and a hypocrite but, just tell me you're sorry. Cause I'm willing to accept this lame apology if you'd just give me something to believe. Just give me something to believe."

I was honestly surprised you could make me cry like that. It hurt more than it should have, because I've made you more important than you should be, but that isn't something I could prevent.... why did you let go, and what did i do to you that you talked to me like that? Things were going fine, just in time, just in time they were falling in line.

And it's like you don't even mind that I am trying so hard to leave you behind me. It's like you don't even mind. Time to bail, while my head is held high.

Stand for me; I stand against you.

Where do you stand
When this barstool on my ass
Won't stand on it's own four legs,
Or me on my own two.

I stole this pen from the cheap hotel we spent our nights in
Remembering that time you stole the soaps,
Then threw a fit when they charged us for them.

We have to keep running
Something's gotta give
I just loved you, because it's automatic
Who knew that catchy slogan would come back to bite

Where can I stand
When my beloved barstool won't stand on four legs
We sat at the front booth instead tonight
Drinking Johnnie Walker Red,
And singing songs about hotels
And the way my hand soap smells

Something's gotta give
I loved you because it's automatic
We loved automatic
And it's come back to bite the big one;
Love bit the hand that fed,
We'll keep running until something gives
Until someone gives it up to you

Let's Make This Life A Living Hell.

Getting back into the show life feels damn good.

So much adrenaline, making sure you aren't going to get a body thrown into you anytime soon, while trying to enjoy the music... it's not as hard as you'd think, honest.

I'll be posting a review of the show I saw Saturday night: Big D and the Kids Table, Sonic Boom Six, Atom Age, and a few other bands, it was amazing.

Getting out like that, going out at night to dance all night, listen to good music, smoke freely and make new friends... it's what my life is all about, and I don't mind it at all. Because it doesn't matter who I am or what I've been through or where I live, we're all there for the music. To dance and jump and circle pit and mosh and crowd surf. We go home at the end of the night, ears ringing and muscles sore, every second of it was worth it.

Because for those few hours, I could have been anyone I wanted. Knowing that I was just me and no one seemed to mind, knowing that I was just me and no one took the time to judge, that kept me smiling as I slipped into a much needed sleep.

It's all for the music. Life is all for the music.

Be sure to make your own soundtrack, don't let anyone build it for you. Your life, your song. Whether they be desert beats, beach tunes, or city tracks, you live your life, and sing it all the way.

Curtain Call

I only like Weezer, and soft rock indie core
Against you and your distortion,
I guess my life's a bore.
We danced around stage before
I pulled you behind the scenes for a little more

We were more than we could handle and we knew it from the start
You'd never broken anything
But I broke your brand new heart

I waited around, like you asked me too.
But you know that I'm impatient
And I showed up way too soon
We slipped behind the scenes for a little more
You pushed me out on stage,
Just like you had before
I never had enough, but you always asked for more

We were more than we could handle and we knew it from the start
You'd never broken anything
But I broke your brand new heart

I was only little but you taught me how to swing
And because you were so nice to me
I broke your brand new heart
Because you asked so nicely
More than we could handle, and we knew it from the start.

**This is the first song i've written that I've ever put music too. go me :)

Medications, Salutations, and Sir Halloween.

Definitely not taking my seizure meds for the next few days, with the stress and weird sleeping and eating patterns lately, I can feel my brain barely holding on and I'm really just tired of it. Hopefully my brain will reset itself soon.

Spent the weekend on base with my brother, his wife, and the parents. I was so pumped, too bad it sucked. I love my big brother, and I've always looked up to him, but it would have been way better had he let out one shred of support for anything that I am trying to accomplish. He didn't even ask me about anything... all I heard all weekend was how shitty my hair looked blonde and how dumb it looks short (even though I'm growing it out and it's almost to my shoulders) and how fucking stupid my sunglasses are. Those are basically direct quotes. Thanks for your support, it's not like I prayed for you every day and emailed you several times and never got one reply for the whole 7 months you were gone and out of contact. And when I finally saw you, you literally walked away from me. Love you too, prick.

I fear I've lost Sir Halloween, heard some awful things and confronted him, only to still be unsure. Am I wrong? He's denying everything but... something is there. Brimming just under the surface, and he is fighting so, so hard to keep it down and I wish I knew.

Sir Halloween, come back and open up like you used to. I don't know what I did to stir up such intense turmoil in your life, but could you maybe be a little less depressing, and maybe smile a bit more? Seems I'm the cause to all your problems and I wish that just once I could understand why.

I can't read minds anymore; now I just feel like one big outstretched hand waiting for answers to everyone's thoughts and actions... I'll make my own answers, I suppose, what other choice do I really have?

Sir Halloween, don't leave. I'm sorry. I was there for you, counted on you to be there for me, and when you weren't I assumed the worst and honestly it looked to me like you showed me the worst. I don't know what happened. I have no idea. And I don't know if I ever will. I can only hope and pray things will come back around. Know that I will pray for you.



I can't remember the last time I heard more unspoken words in such a small space.
"Then ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out. I wish I knew."

Reconciliation: Day 8,675,241.

I'm on base in Lancaster, CA today, seeing my brother for the first time since April 5th. It feels amazing, especially with all the nonsense you've been reading about going on in my life lately. Kirra cologne still smells the same way it did when I was 15.

I've fixed things up with Mr. Valentine. Things are... still rough, but so much easier than they were. Here's to God, and reading Matthew 5 until it screamed at me that even though I may not have been completely wrong, or wrong at all, I needed to be the one to step up and apologize first. Worked like magic! I sent over some Relient K lyrics and out came the confessions.

Popsicle Patty... ooh I've still got it in for that girl. But I'm trying. Finally came out with it that I can not be her friend under any circumstance... So this is me, not getting into a fist fight, not ruining what little bridge there may be left with all those friends I had, whether or not they end up back in my life as strong as they did before is a whole other entry. I stepped up, and I apologized, and there is nothing more I can do.

But I still have plenty to learn, this is not easy to overcome.
"I so hate consequences, running from you is what my best defense is. I hate these consequences, 'cause I know that I let you down, and I don't want to deal with that...

...When I got tired of running from you, I stopped right there to catch my breath. Your words they caught my ear, you said, "I miss you son, come home." And my sins they watched me leave, and in my heart I so believe, the love you felt for me was mine, the love I'd wished for all this time. And when the doors were closed, I heard no I told you so's. Except the words I knew you knew, God oh God I needed you."

I have plenty to learn, but this is reconciliation, Day 8,675,241. Yyyup.

Next step? Seriously consider quitting smoking.

Substitutiary Locomotion.

I can't seem to make myself give up.
I'm listening to all the songs that make me think of you. Because no matter how strong I am, no matter how many times I tell the dependants that "He's just a boy. And bottom line is, there's nothing he can do for you that you can't do for yourself," Sometimes, I find myself just as weak as them.

I picked myself up, and did what I could. I had my own Sir Halloween, but these days he's a local Wal-Mart version of my Summer Boy, who I can never let out of my life. Oh Mister Valentine, I wish I hate what you did to me, but I know I did it myself, and I know damn well that it has saved me from rock bottom, I was moving fast and I'm glad to be out, and you needed to be out from under me.

I am strong. Sir Halloween, you're a damn good time.
But I'm 18 with a bullet, and more than you can handle.
"Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not."

You don't know me like you think you do, I'm so much more. I write these things about you and paint darling little pictures in your anxiety-ridden head; I'm dancing circles around you, just to see if you can keep up. Guess not.

For all of you. For every accommodating, basic, calm, daring, emblematic, frisky, grinning, human, innocent, jumping, kept, limited, meek, nap-loving, official, pretty, quarantined, recent, scheduled, tidy, understandable, victorious, wholesome, xenial, young and zippered kid. Be strong. Learn to DGAF, harder than ever. Because it doesn't matter, and it really never has. Write your own stories about your own life for you to read, and don't let anyone else edit the pages for you. Roll your own joint and open your own drink, but always let them light your cigarette.

Live life, according to your plan.
Don't have one? It's alright, me neither.
Ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out; I wish I knew.

No matter how alone you think you are, you'll have a Mister Valentine. You'll have your own Sir Halloween, and you'll fight your own Popsicle Patty. We're all going through it too. If they don't want to stay in your life, or they can't handle you, that is most definitely their own fault, and you can absolutely do everything you already do without them.

Stand for you. Not for anyone.
You are always stronger than you think you are, better than you give yourself credit for.

Learn to DGAF harder than ever.
You've got this on lock,
And I will do my best to never let you down.

You're beautiful. You're just the right height to stand in front of me at shows, you're just thin enough that I can feel your ribcage rise and fall with every breath you take when we fall asleep together.

But I'm coming for you, Popsicle Patty. You are so broken. I'm done listening to you praise all of these deceiving people around you for everything they've ever done for you, just to listen to you blow them all off the next day. Popsicle Patty, stop crying, please.

On second thought, "cry me a fucking river, bitch." I held you as you shook and your face turned to salt and your heart turned to stone. And now you're holding onto me as I'm walking away. Popsicle Patty, Triple Threat Tommy sure did a number on you.

I don't know when you started snowballing downhill so fast but I am only one man and am fresh out of helicopters and ambulances, I can't handle any more life flights or tracheotomies, but I'm sure Triple Threat Tommy would be glad to clean your throat with the nearest bottle of vodka and shove a ball point pen into your throat to keep you on life support, if only so he can watch you die again.

You stayed awake through summer like you owned the heat and we stayed up together like we owned each other when we knew the truth. Just like you asked, we pretend we're amazing, instead of what we both know.

You stirred the pot, didn't you Popsicle Patty? You riled everyone up and got every one heated after I left my Mister Valentine. Mister Valentine really didn't mind, oh but you did. You saw the opportunity to collapes and fell right back onto your knees, didn't you Popsicle Patty? Not that I was honestly surprised. You knew how to hurt and you went right for the throat. I'm impressed with your speed, you flew like a bat out of hell. You stripped what faith they had in me within a week, you manipulated, twisted, and joined in with the crowd, just like always.

I fell victim to Popsicle Patty. Maybe I should get tested.

You don't own shit.
Don't you forget about your Mr Halloween.

You. Are so. Broken.

Parental Advisory; That Girl's A New Breed; 2.

Finally Austin's eyes peeled open. Two in the afternoon, still hazy from the night before. He'd stumbled in at 5:30 a.m., Allie's sweet, hammered voice in his ear begging for his help. She couldn't even carry herself, and he couldn't believe he'd driven her Jeep Renegade home. He'd swear the unique square headlights were burned into his skull. He sat up, entirely unsure of where his blankets had gone... oh right. They were piled onto his arms, where that girl had fallen asleep, after doing everything he could to get her there. Ran his long, calloused fingers through her magic marker hair and listened as she muttered sweet nothings and hostile everythings. Played soft music. Made sure she ate. Finally, in a brief rustling of sheets and tossing of pillows, she was asleep. An arm thrown over his chest, fingers entwined in the scruff hair on his chest, her tiny, chemical head resting firmly over his heart, his consistent rhythm lulling her into darkness.

Now there were blankets between them, as though she had arranged them to create a barrier between the pair. Not surprising. He was certain they'd gotten into some kind of completely heinous argument about what kind of jelly he kept in the refrigerator, and whether or not it was the right brand. He was only glad now that they were in his apartment, he wouldn't have to sneak through the window before she through the infamous cast iron skillet toward him in rage over God knows what.

He never moved until she woke. Watched her sleep, for once in calm oblivion. Truly a moment to be cherished. When conscious, she was always wily, unpredictable, fiesty and completely head over heels for all of his mistreatment.

Parental Advisory; That Girl's A New Breed.

His name was Austin Alexander Bryant and who the fuck did he think he was talking to like that? I should've taken him out right then and there, a solid right hook to the jaw. Talking to my girl like she was lower than him, if such was even possible.

Her name was Allie E. Camsen, and no one ever seemed to know what the E. stood for. She smoked too much pot and caused too much trouble, but she always knew what she was doing. Partied hard without a care, singing songs and manipulating minds.

Allie couldn't get enough of everything dangerous, and she knew that boy couldn't handle her. But still, he was along for the ride without a chance to escape, even if he wanted to. He just watched as she drove her manual transmission piece of shit Jeep Renegade, stereo so loud he was sure she'd have a parental advisory sticker stuck to her somewhere. She was so raunchy and inappropriate, but he could never get enough. The Renegade doors existed once, until they got into a fight and he took them off just to upset her. Even when she broke into his Chevy to get them back, she only tore chunks and implanted dents into the clean white body of his precious four wheeler, just despite him. She left the doors in the bed of the truck, and there they had stayed for five months. Just to see who could last the longest.

She'd shout Juliette and The Licks, The Sex Pistols, and Joan knows she didn't give a damn about her tomboy reputation, that girl was a Cherry Bomb.

Austin would never leave her side, no matter how many times he had to drive her Jeep through the mud she'd gotten it stuck in. She was lude, crude, and inappropriate, but the most beautiful, deadliest avalanche he had ever seen. He couldn't let go.

Fuck A Lighter, I'll Light You Up.

I've been writing this book
About all the things I've done to you
And all I've put you through
I know there are things I should say
And millions of things to do
But I'm so tired of hearing you
Talk, Sing, Speak, Move.
I'm so tired of hearing you.

You blew my mind
And I lit you up
I watched you catch fire,
Insecurities ablaze
You just added fuel,
To this flame we started a year ago

All these pages smell like cigarettes,
Hey mister got a light?
You blew my mind and I lit you up,
Hey mister got a light?


"Tell me once again; that you'll love me to the death and should I die you swear that you will come for me."

Shooting Stars Off The Walls

To feel you on my skin

Is a wonder of the world

You stepped around me today

I felt your glance your words your vibes

And every secret that you left in the dark

It's out of our hands now,

Take me somewhere we both know

Somewhere we both can go

I'll love you tonight,

No words till morning

I'll wake to you,

Sharp breaths on my neck.

To see you here again today

I never thought to hear

You'll try to ask for my attention

I'll steer you into misdirection

Hypertension, in suspension

Catch me if you can.

It's out of our hands now,

Take me somewhere we both know

Somewhere we both can go

I'll love you tonight,

No words till morning

I'll wake to you,

Sharp breaths on my neck.

An Open Letter To Neil Pert.

Dear Neil Pert,
After listening to your seven minute drum solo, and your eleven minute drum solo, and... you get the point, I was a huge fan by the age of twelve. I'd flaunt my knowledge of you in classic rock conversations with my friends' parents, and watch as they would fully engulf themselves in every word I said.

Move over for Joshua Elness. The eighteen year old is surpassing you (and everyone else, for that matter) like it's nobody's business. I've been watching him play the drums, quads, snare, entire marching band percussion section since the sixth grade, and after a six month hiatus from him, I'm only more impressed. His fills are faster than ever, and his introductions undeniably unstoppable. His music taste is widespread, though he mainly has both feet attached to double bass pedals in the Central Valley's Hardcore music scene. It's a huge deal around here. Sitting next to Elness, and he can't stop fidgeting. Anytime music is playing, he's tapping along, moving his feet on imaginary pedals faster than any teenager should be able to. "It just comes natural now," he explains. "I can't help it. It's an addiction."

And even better, he's humble about it. He'll readily spout names of local drummers better than him, and signed drummers he looks up to. But once you hear him play... you're lost in the consistent feel and rhythms he creates.

Another Slice, Please.

My right side speaker screams static through your whispers
I can't hear a word you're saying but can't we pretend?
My right side speaker cuts up that shitty music you're blaring
I can't tell where we're going but can you pretend?

Tell me your stories, your life, your dreams
I want to know every word
Even if my piece of shit speakers say
That you're a piece of shit liar
I can't stop feeling you here.

My vision is blurred and I'm losing touch
Reduced to areas of light, will you take me home?
My ears are ringing my eyes are darting
But you keep on singing as if we're alright

I think we're alright
I feel this is new
I know we're so reckless it's driving me crazy
But I can't stop feeling you here.

Tell me your stories, your life, your dreams
I want to know every word
Even if my piece of shit speakers say
That you're a piece of a dream
I can't stop feeling you here.

Memorabilia Phobia

What can I do when you're all that I need
But never what I want
Where can I go that your pictures won't haunt me
Am I all that you can handle?

It just isn't right
That I can't take your kindness
Your touch
Your love
Knowing I'm not what you need
You are my biggest fear

What can I do when you're all that I need
But never what I want
Where can I go that your pictures won't haunt me
Am I all that you can handle?

I can't control
All these things I feel
Load me up with the drugs
Baby give me a pill
I can't seem to find
That thing I want
That thing I need
You are my biggest fear

What can I do when you're all that I need
But never what I want
Where can I go that your pictures won't haunt me
Am I all that you can handle?
I can't handle...

SWINE!

Every step I take is one more toward you
And every breath I've held for you
How I wait to call you mine.
But, oh I've been infected
Yeah I've got the swine
And so here I'm left without you
Because as the rest
You're scared to be near me too.
Baby I really shouldn't blame you
And I don't feel to put out
But it's about making sacrifices
And showing what you're made of.
Being with the girl you love.
Even though you're a little scared
Of catching my disease.
They say it's not contagious
But if you had too
They'd showcase us
On the channel 3 news.

Also; I love Sierra Green :)

I Read About You On The Internet

Will you think of me
When the world steps back
And the big picture comes into your sights
Will you remember me
When you find another fight
And see the character you lack
I can feel you on my skin
I can smell you on my sheets
Do you hear me?
Do you hear me?

I will whisper your name
And follow you through the broken gates
Will you still know me then?
Remind me of all these things you hate

Can you hear me when
I whisper mysteries
And sing you sold out lyrics

Do you hear me?

GLEE!

I love absolutely everything about the show glee. It's just so... Agh, would it be cliche to say it's just so... Gleeful? ha. Watching it now with my best friend, the fourth episode ever, and the third one we've watched together. It's a great show, so many different conflicts going on at the same time! The fact that it all revolves around a Glee Club/team of inexplicably aloof high schoolers. Fortunately, the elite cast members gladly (pun?) donate their talents to the pricelessly choreographed scenes and plots.
So check out glee, channel 8, from 9 pm to 10.
_ashley

Dream Followe.

Following my dreams, or even running to catch up to them, is probably thee hardest thing I've ever done; will ever have to do. It seems to be requiring far more stamina than I have, but I'm working on it, every day. I should already be at University somewhere, anywhere but here... Maybe that's what my parents were expecting though, for me to go to Delta or MJC like my brother. Not that either of those schools is a bad thing, I've heard amazing things about both. They just aren't for me.. The Valley just isn't for me. There aren't even any doubts to that anymore. I seem to love everywhere but here... I'm over this place. Been here too long, doing the same things, and I've come farther than this place will let me stay.

My biggest dream is Pratt Institute in New York City.
Tuition= $50,000
Breakdown:
Tuition: $33,500.00
Fees: $1,770.00
Room: $6,156.00
Board: $3,600.00
Books/Supplies: $3,000.00
Personal: $1,000.00

Me= not having a job yet.
what an adventure this will be.

I Saved Logan: ashleyoverride's newest favorite.

Oh the music scene. A constant up-and-coming trend. Every teenager wants to have their own band, be in a band, manage a band... So what's it all about? Where is the joy and absolute thrill in screaming your lungs out for a group of awkward teenagers in bright, gruesome local band t shirts and too tight jeans or basketball shorts? For the central valley's latest team players I Saved Logan, it's a Freddie Mercury feel: the love of the music, and seeing the kids jump. Influenced by bands as A Day To Remember and Underoath the four man group do what they love and live what they do. Just sitting here in the sweaty, raunchy 10x10 garage bedroom they lovingly call their practice space,I can feel the magic happening. Frontman Taylor Cantrell, 18, is anything but an amateur with six years experience. If Eric Clapton was in with the hardcore music scene of today, his "Slow Hand" prodigy spot would've been filled by the teen easily. His progressions are nearly unnoticeable, fingers moving rapidly and easily across the mehogany fret board. Guitarist Timmey Ellefson,16 and a two year player, glides in smoothly alongside Cantrell. The two feed off of each other even during rehearsal, throwing out ideas that roar from the half stack amps. Drummer Jon Treece, a three year percussionist at age 16, rhythmically leads the group with reinvented beats and his own flare of mix and match sound. Powerful bassist Jacob Denning, leader of the pack at 19, comes through strong keeping his sound up and assisting Treece in rhythm carry. They team up for a fantastically sturdy bottom of the sound pyramid. I Saved Logan is currently-and constantly-recording and looking for new material for their set list. The last half hour of their rehearsals are spent freestyling, each member bringing his own plate to the table.
It's incredible to watch the brotherhood create, phenomenal to hear the completed works. Their first show is November 22, a local Battle of the Bands at Slim's bar in San Francisco. Listening to them is sure to make your heart thump with melodical joy.

I'm over songs that start with questions,
what the fuck is wrong with you,
are you kidding me, what did you do...
so here's a new statement,
a fun fact for your encyclopedia
or a line from your theater of cruelty
you're a liar
you're a hypocrite
I'd love to care but find myself cold and unfeelingI
'd love to listen to your every word, dear
And hear you spill out all your thoughts from all these years
But well, look at the time
Seems I'm all out of that, that box of bandaids is all run out
Here's a box of memories and all these snapshots
All the spaces that we fought
You sent me on a scavenger hunt to find the real you but you saw it in every mirror you plastered your face to
I seriously considered putting your skull through
All the glass I've exploded into.

Ohheyblogspot!

So, I had a livejournal account when i thought it was really really cool to do stuff like this in like seventh grade, and now am going for it again, with a less ridiculous screen name.

It's also my twitter username, feel free to follow me if you're so interested in my random thoughts, they can be pretty... interesting. I love writing, and hope to work for Rolling Stone magazine next year. I downloaded the LJ application onto my iPod Touch, so can post from there when my random thoughts come to mind. There'll even be stories of my weekend warrior adventures pretty often :)

Well, My name is Ashley, I have two brothers, one overseas for the USAF and the other going to nursing school in Stockton,CA. We all have big dreams, high hopes, and big hearts. I love living life, and am so blessed. My friends are the world, my boyfriend is great. I'm fun, loud, wild, and reckless, in the most cautious way.

I love music, play guitar, currently big into: Say Anything, All Time Low, Dispatch, and A Day To Remember. Keep up with me, you won't regret!

I have a lip piercing and one in each ear, one tattoo, and I absolutely love people, especially people who hug. I'm not afraid, and I'll keep pushing till I feel damn good and ready to stop. Life is good most days, and I'd love to have you in it. I'm so blessed by everything and everyone in my life and I am so anxious to get to the next step.

ohbyeblogspot!

_Ashley