Longview.

SHIT. NOTHING MAKES SENSE.
so i won't think about it; i'll go with the ignorance.

Alright, so maybe i was a little harsh.

Wait, no, i wasn't. the last post was written in a mood that appears just as angry as i was. the whole bestfriend situation is real life shitty. but it's not really my problem, is it? guess not. i'll manage. i'm definitely staying way the hell out of that situation. if she wants to let that girl ruin her life even more now than she has been the last three years, whatthefuckever,right? RIGHT.

So my brother quite literally JUST called the office. I sit front desk. When the phone rings, I answer it.
"Residential Group, this is Ashley, how can I help you?"
"Hey little. Lemme talk to mom or dad."
"Umm alright. Hold on."
"Oh hey Mom, I'm moving to Washington."

REALLY?! It's not like you had to go through me to get to her, you couldn't have told me? Oh wait I forgot, you must still be into that whole treat-my-little-sister-like-shit thing. well fuck you too.

I don't need people snapping at me, even if they are ranting. We'd had a perfectly fantastic evening, I get home and THAT's the kind of text I get? Don't fucking snap at me. Especially not over something your mom did to upset you. I've got enough people in my life who are all too prone to that flash anger bullshit. I don't need it from you too.
But I am glad we talked that out and are now on the same page. Still.


Best of all: I'm entirely unprepared for school. I am so unbelievably grateful for the support of my friends and family, really, you guys have been incredible and I couldn't ask for a better support system. I love you guys.
But still, I'm terrified. But it's life, and I've got to move on and keep pushing and keep breathing and keep loving.





[Stay Positive.]

Futile.

I'm tempted to run through the halls, screaming "THANKS FOR NOTHING."

Really? REALLY?! You're my best friend, and i'm yours. I gave you my two cents every single time you fucking asked me and i was never afraid to tell you what i was going through or what i thought about what you were going through.
and i honestly thought that you would be kind enough to let me know when you made a decision.
and i thought you did. because you asked for two weeks from popsicle patty, and she couldn't even give you that. not only could she not give you that, but she DATED someone else. completely got into a relationship. it didn't last, but that is so far from the point. SHE COULDN'T GIVE YOU TWO WEEKS TO BE YOURS. WHAT THE FUCK MAKES YOU THINK SHE'LL LAST MONTHS WITHOUT SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

But it doesn't fucking matter, because you're going to count on her. Regardless of the fact that she's cheated on and lied to EVERY person she's been in a relationship with over the last THREE YEARS, you're still going to count on her.

You're my best friend. I'm going to have to be supportive or some shit. But not of this relationship. Not of any of this. I don't even want to be around you right now let alone even discuss how much i hope that this is some kind of sick, twisted, fucking joke.


GO CHOKE ON YOUR IRONY.

This is the way I live.

I'm feeling.. a little selfish today, and it's odd. I'm not a fan. What's even more odd is that my horoscope recommends I take a little time for myself today because people might not be such a great idea. I've never been one for taking astrology to heart, but maybe I'll consider it. Hmm. Just have to make sure I don't take anything out on anyone else, especially that Superman. This is a strange, shitty feeling. I'll get over it. With the emotional range of a teaspoon and a two second rebound rate, how could I not? Haha:)

I continue to run into the nicest people lately, something sparked by reuniting with old friends and making acquaintances into real friendships. It's good:) As usual, FML is growing and excellent, I know there's nothing I can't do or say when I'm with them. With the ever lovely Sabrinasaurus back in my life (I'm honestly not sure why we separated in the first place, honestly), I have a consistent reality check and a constant reminder to "Stay Positive," even though things get really shitty sometimes, because there's always someone holding me up. I'm a big fan of yours, girrrl:)

As per usual, TBJeff is an amazing friend and I honestly am unsure where I'd be without him. He's picked me up off the floor so many times no matter what I did to get myself there, and is entirely fearless. You're so strong, and I love you boyyyy:)

VWAdam, the best friend to my boyfriend, is appearing to become one helluva guy. Superbowl Sunday was epic, couldn't've shit talked without you, man. And of course, his girl Daniiii is wonderful! Shy and reserved, but honestly couldn't be nicer. A mutual "friend" (minus the quotes for her life, include them for mine) apparently had some not-so-nice things to say about me, but she dgafs and wants her own opinions :) my favorite kind of person. She's a doll, really.

Other than these people, everyone that's been in my life has remained just as stable as ever, and have understood how much of a mess has been made since Halloween and early November, and have helped me understand what is my fault and what is heresay and most of all, which are the things I shouldn't care about.

PopsiclePatty, I don't hate you. But you are someone I have absolutely ZERO respect for. I feel empty when I'm around you. Not angry, or spiteful, or anything. Just bland. Because I frankly don't care about you. It sucks, cause I used to so much, but in more than one way you've earned this.
SirHalloween.... dgaf. you earned this. gtfo.


NavyBoy: I'm still sorry, and I still can't believe this. But you know what hurts the most? After everything you and I have done, things I've done to help you out and you've done to help me... this only shows that I don't mean nearly as much to you as you do to me. I think about you every day, and you'll probably always be considered my best friend, even if you did have to make a choice to keep yourself afloat. Don't get me wrong, I understand what happened and where I went wrong. I miss you. I hate you. But if you don't need me, I guess I don't need you.

I've got people missing, people who are constantly present, and people who are showing up at random. This is life. And this is exactly the way I want to live it. Love it. DGAF.