One day I'll come up with my own lyrics as good as this to get over things.
This also for a good friend of mine who is going through an ugly break up, hopefully she'll read and know who she is :)
This is me, Letting Go of you. Deal.
How did we ever end up in this place?
You pointed your finger and I took all the blame.
I bought into your lies and I played all your games
You swore you'd get better, but I'm letting go of you.
I'm letting go of you, and all you've held on to.
I'm letting go of you, let go of me too.
I would take your word for it, but you tend to lie.
I'm not saying sorry, but I'm saying goodbye
It's harder than I thought to tell you what's on my mind,
You tell me to stay, but I'm letting go of you.
I'm letting go of you, and all you've held on to.
I'm letting go of you, let go of me too.
How did we ever end up in this place?
You pointed your finger and I took all the blame
I'd still take your word for it, but you tend to lie.
I'm not saying sorry, but I'm saying goobye.
I'm letting go of you, and all you've held on to.I'm letting go of you, let go of me too.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
I'm addicted to this song lately; "Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't" by Brand New.
I am heaven sent, don't you dare forget.
I am all you've ever wanted
What the other boys all promised
Sorry I told;
I just needed you to know.
I think in decimals and dollars.
I am the cause to all your problems
Shelter from cold; we are never alone.
Coordinate brain and mouth, then ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out?
I wish I knew.
I hope this song starts a craze.
The kind of song that ignites the airwaves.
The kind of song that makes people glad to be where they are
With whoever they're there with.
This is war.
Every line is about who I don't wanna write about anymore.
Hope you come down with something they can't diagnose;
Don't have the cure for.
Holdin' onto your grudge, oh it's so hard to have someone to love.
Keepin quiet is hard.
Cause you can't keep a secret if it never was a secret to start.
At least pretend you didn't wanna get caught.
We're concentrated, on falling apart.
But we're contenders, we're throwin' the fight.
I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe.
Oh, we're so c-c-c-c-controversial, we are entirely smooth
We admit to the truth, we are the best at what we do.
These are the words you wish you wrote down,
This is the way you wish your voice sounds.
Handsome and smart.
Oh my tongue's the only muscle on my body that works harder than my heart.
And it's all from watching TV
And speeding up my breathing.
Wouldn't stop if I could.
Oh, it hurts to be this good.
Holdin' onto your grudge,
Oh it hurts to always have to be honest with the one that you love.
Oh, so let it go.
We're concentrated, on fallin apart.
We were contenders, we've thrown the fight.
I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe.
We're concentrated, on fallin apart.
We were contenders, we've thrown the fight.
I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe, in us.
This is the grace that only we can bestow.
This is the price you pay for loss of control.
This is the break in the bend, this is the closest of calls.
This is the reason you're alone,
This is the rise and the fall.
I am heaven sent, don't you dare forget.
I am all you've ever wanted
What the other boys all promised
Sorry I told;
I just needed you to know.
I think in decimals and dollars.
I am the cause to all your problems
Shelter from cold; we are never alone.
Coordinate brain and mouth, then ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out?
I wish I knew.
I hope this song starts a craze.
The kind of song that ignites the airwaves.
The kind of song that makes people glad to be where they are
With whoever they're there with.
This is war.
Every line is about who I don't wanna write about anymore.
Hope you come down with something they can't diagnose;
Don't have the cure for.
Holdin' onto your grudge, oh it's so hard to have someone to love.
Keepin quiet is hard.
Cause you can't keep a secret if it never was a secret to start.
At least pretend you didn't wanna get caught.
We're concentrated, on falling apart.
But we're contenders, we're throwin' the fight.
I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe.
Oh, we're so c-c-c-c-controversial, we are entirely smooth
We admit to the truth, we are the best at what we do.
These are the words you wish you wrote down,
This is the way you wish your voice sounds.
Handsome and smart.
Oh my tongue's the only muscle on my body that works harder than my heart.
And it's all from watching TV
And speeding up my breathing.
Wouldn't stop if I could.
Oh, it hurts to be this good.
Holdin' onto your grudge,
Oh it hurts to always have to be honest with the one that you love.
Oh, so let it go.
We're concentrated, on fallin apart.
We were contenders, we've thrown the fight.
I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe.
We're concentrated, on fallin apart.
We were contenders, we've thrown the fight.
I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe, I just wanna believe, in us.
This is the grace that only we can bestow.
This is the price you pay for loss of control.
This is the break in the bend, this is the closest of calls.
This is the reason you're alone,
This is the rise and the fall.
Carousel.
I'm tired of being spun in circles.
SirHalloween showed up last night, in a new light. Admitted he was wrong, and apologized. So I should forgive him. I should forgive him, and let him back in, and alongside the rest of FML take him under my wing and bring his strength back to where it once was. He's aware that he has plenty to learn, prove, and miles to mature.
But I don't know if I can do it. He hurt me, bad, and as strong as I am and as far as I've come, this isn't a quick bandaid fix like it usually is with me. I don't know where this is going to go, or how long it will take before I don't feel the outright need to bash his face into the nearest door jamb, but I have to try. I have to try. Because of my faith, and my beliefs, I have no right to shut him down and keep him away from my life. I had just started to adjust to the fact that amongst others, I no longer had connection with NavyBoy or SirHalloween. And with my Superman by my side, I could handle that. I find strength in him. But I have to try.
I will try. Learning to be kind. Learning to be selfless. Learning to rid my mind of these hostile tendencies. This is going to be a long process. I've never been one for giving up on anyone, and now more than ever I need to make prominent the crazy, reckless, harmless memories I have of SirHalloween, and hold onto them, instead of the memories of the things he said to me.
SirHalloween showed up last night, in a new light. Admitted he was wrong, and apologized. So I should forgive him. I should forgive him, and let him back in, and alongside the rest of FML take him under my wing and bring his strength back to where it once was. He's aware that he has plenty to learn, prove, and miles to mature.
But I don't know if I can do it. He hurt me, bad, and as strong as I am and as far as I've come, this isn't a quick bandaid fix like it usually is with me. I don't know where this is going to go, or how long it will take before I don't feel the outright need to bash his face into the nearest door jamb, but I have to try. I have to try. Because of my faith, and my beliefs, I have no right to shut him down and keep him away from my life. I had just started to adjust to the fact that amongst others, I no longer had connection with NavyBoy or SirHalloween. And with my Superman by my side, I could handle that. I find strength in him. But I have to try.
I will try. Learning to be kind. Learning to be selfless. Learning to rid my mind of these hostile tendencies. This is going to be a long process. I've never been one for giving up on anyone, and now more than ever I need to make prominent the crazy, reckless, harmless memories I have of SirHalloween, and hold onto them, instead of the memories of the things he said to me.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Balloons.
I'm accidentally wearing a screwdriver as a necklace today. Hm.
I don't feel like writing; I've damn near lost all motivation...
...But I feel a bit obligated. My last post almost ruined a relationship that was the best thing that ever happened to my best friend. But instead, I let it ruin my friendship with that person. He had to choose. I made sure he chose her, and I'm not sure why, but I think I'm doing a damn good job of pretending I'm happy with that. I want nothing more than to see everyone I care about happy. And if it takes me, walking straight out of one of the strongest, most reliable friendships I have ever had, then that is what I need to do. He is happy, and she no longer has to worry.
I wish you knew that there was no reason to worry in the first place and I wish that you knew how important he is to me and I wish you knew that he loves you so much and I wish you trusted him and trusted me; I wish so many things but bottom line is that I made a mistake and I'm sorry.
"Time to leave, while my eyes are still dry. It's time to leave while my head is held high. It's time to bolt, time to bail, time to go. Where to? Well I really don't know.
I'm gone, so long, see you soon. Up up and away, like a rising balloon. I'm just stupid enough, to pack up and leave. Taking all that you have trusted, and confided in me."
Blaaahhhhh.
But I'll live, I mean I'm certain that I will make it through this, again.
After all, what's one more person after I've lost so many, right?
I'm learning, trying, doing. For his sake. Their sake.
This is me, walking away from my best friend. As a definitive answer to his problems.
Again; I'm sorry, but I can only hope and pray that things get better for you from here.
I'm staying strong.
I don't feel like writing; I've damn near lost all motivation...
...But I feel a bit obligated. My last post almost ruined a relationship that was the best thing that ever happened to my best friend. But instead, I let it ruin my friendship with that person. He had to choose. I made sure he chose her, and I'm not sure why, but I think I'm doing a damn good job of pretending I'm happy with that. I want nothing more than to see everyone I care about happy. And if it takes me, walking straight out of one of the strongest, most reliable friendships I have ever had, then that is what I need to do. He is happy, and she no longer has to worry.
I wish you knew that there was no reason to worry in the first place and I wish that you knew how important he is to me and I wish you knew that he loves you so much and I wish you trusted him and trusted me; I wish so many things but bottom line is that I made a mistake and I'm sorry.
"Time to leave, while my eyes are still dry. It's time to leave while my head is held high. It's time to bolt, time to bail, time to go. Where to? Well I really don't know.
I'm gone, so long, see you soon. Up up and away, like a rising balloon. I'm just stupid enough, to pack up and leave. Taking all that you have trusted, and confided in me."
Blaaahhhhh.
But I'll live, I mean I'm certain that I will make it through this, again.
After all, what's one more person after I've lost so many, right?
I'm learning, trying, doing. For his sake. Their sake.
This is me, walking away from my best friend. As a definitive answer to his problems.
Again; I'm sorry, but I can only hope and pray that things get better for you from here.
I'm staying strong.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Six Feet Under The Stars.
SirHalloween; I could've taken the truth, but you'd rather lie instead. Okay. I guess if you're so willing to walk out of my life, why should I go out of my way to make you stay? I will never be used to this, and I will never be okay with it, but there are just some people you have to let go of. And for now, I'm okay with that. You brought me down more than anything anyway, always pushing my buttons just to see how many ways you could provoke me. I don't need that.
I thoroughly dislike psycho, controlling, untrustworthy girlfriends. My best friend, my navy boy, I finally got to spend time with and I honestly thought that she was okay with it. The last thing I wanted to do was stir them up into a fight, but evidently, situations like that are entirely inevitable, regardless of the way I handle myself or the things he tells her. He speaks the truth. Trust him. Why shouldn't you? We went to lunch, he bought a shirt, and we hung out and watched obscene youtube videos, just like we always have. Please relax. I'm not that kind of girl and you of all people should know that he is not that kind of man. He's my best friend. Learn to deal, please.
Alright. Done complaining.
Life... is good. FML boys, you're my life! My boyfriend is incredible; the first to completely understand the relationships that I have with my guy friends and know and accept that my friends come first, no matter what, under any situation. I'm still so afraid of him, and keep having to remind myself not to think about the things I've done to ruin situations this amazing in the past. He trusts me. And as of now, I don't think God minds too much either. But we'll figure that one out soon enough.
Quitting smoking.
Well.
Kinda.
I thoroughly dislike psycho, controlling, untrustworthy girlfriends. My best friend, my navy boy, I finally got to spend time with and I honestly thought that she was okay with it. The last thing I wanted to do was stir them up into a fight, but evidently, situations like that are entirely inevitable, regardless of the way I handle myself or the things he tells her. He speaks the truth. Trust him. Why shouldn't you? We went to lunch, he bought a shirt, and we hung out and watched obscene youtube videos, just like we always have. Please relax. I'm not that kind of girl and you of all people should know that he is not that kind of man. He's my best friend. Learn to deal, please.
Alright. Done complaining.
Life... is good. FML boys, you're my life! My boyfriend is incredible; the first to completely understand the relationships that I have with my guy friends and know and accept that my friends come first, no matter what, under any situation. I'm still so afraid of him, and keep having to remind myself not to think about the things I've done to ruin situations this amazing in the past. He trusts me. And as of now, I don't think God minds too much either. But we'll figure that one out soon enough.
Quitting smoking.
Well.
Kinda.
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